Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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