Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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