So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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