barbara walters just said penis...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize