dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
