Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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