I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
