he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
