i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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