I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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