Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
