Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
