Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize