We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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