good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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