Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize