You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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