Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
