After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
