So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
