ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
zippers are such a cool invention
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
