Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
