Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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