I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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