Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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