i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
