His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
