Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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