I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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