just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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