I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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