she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
