p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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