Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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