If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
