life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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