Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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