Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
