But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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