I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
