I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
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I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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