If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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