So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
