Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
