Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
