omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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