YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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