my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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