I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And then he peed in my hair
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
