So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
