My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
