i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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