8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
