Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
FUCK WHALES
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