The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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