Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
