I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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