apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
